Finally we get back down to earth in Grand Junction, Colorado where we are riding at low altitude. 2028 metres to be exact and I can now breathe, ride AND talk shite all at once. What a relief, but I can tell the lads wish I was still at 3500 metres or so where I couldn't really talk at all.

Talking about altitude...I blew my nose and thought I was dying. You know how men don't share personal stuff right? But it turns out we six are all metrosexual modern men and after a very informative discussion about hemorrhoids and prostate glands we realised that a few of us had been blowing a bit of blood out of our sinuses. Turns out your blood vessels are more likely to burst in the thin air. Moral of the story?... Stay at home, mow the lawns and live a long and satisfying life.

We don't ever look at the weather forecast as it just seems that it's never anything but blue sky days here in Colorado and now temperatures are a normal 26 degrees max and 6 degrees when we wake at 7 am to get riding again. And what do you know?...Deer on the lawn again.

I know I have raw animal magnetism, but did Bambi really follow me 240 miles to Grand Junction?

We were excited enough to be riding this sort of terrain, even when it started with a small climb. We had no idea what was over the next rise.

Today was amazing. We rode in an area called Lunch Loops.... Think Wily coyote and Roadrunner territory. Mesas, gulches, arroyos, rock slabs, canyons, cacti, lizards and loose rocks the size of a block of flats. No Armadillos yet sorry.

Have wood and rubber, will travel. They don't call me therodfather because I'm a dab hand at fly fishing.

We loaded all the bikes onto one SUV compliments of my cunning homemade roof rack and headed up to the Ribbon trail for a couple of shuttle runs along some serious slab rock with 3 hundred foot drops under the precipices we were trying to get close to without falling to our deaths.

OH   MY   GOD   FATHER ! That is one hell of a downhill run. One hour and 30 minutes with only a handful of tiny uphills.

Have a closer look. Choose your own line. I may have wet my pants just a little. Nothing to do with my prostate either. Yes, that is rock, very grippy rock with incredible traction.

With no trail to follow, we had to be careful where we pointed our bikes. Simon isn't a great fan of heights. That bastard Tim was hanging his his toes over the edge every opportunity he got.

We just sat here for a while and tried to take it all in. Jeff is pretty sure we came from over that way somewhere. The trail wasn't really marked to we had a little exploring to do on the massive slabs.

Simon dices with Death. photo: Tim Pickering on his iphone

It's a real shame Jeff was a bit slow hitting the shutter on his iphone camera, missing me in flight and only getting the landing of this 35 foot canyon gap.

"If I had huge bollocks, was 10 years younger, could ride heaps better and was on crack cocaine I'd ride that line right there". Simon loves a good yarn.

Jeff Carter.......Does he ever have both wheels on the ground at one time? Yep. Damn, I shot this a split second too early.

Dang... that is one stylish looking rider.'s me. The mighty Bronson took a beating today and my flite wheels took it all at 20psi without blinking a nipple. photo: Jeff Carter

Like me, Jeff loves slab rock.

So here's a treat for you guys. gets it's first video from legendary international film maker Jeff Carter from SouthStar Trail Productions. We both apologise for the first few cuts as Jeff was still testing the parameters of his GoPro gimbal thingy (image stabilzer). There may also be a little profane language (you try riding a cliff edge and say things like "oh golly gosh this is rather fun isn't it Bartholomew, I'm so glad we brought the lemonade, shall we pull up right here and have a little picnic?").

 The young looking stylish rider in the red shorts with the tight butt is yours truly. Maybe this time I really will be an overnight internet sensation (I'm not holding my breath).

After homemade chicken burgers back at the bachelor pad we reloaded and drove to the infamous Palisades Rim trail to make an even better extreme riding video starring yours truly and Jeff Carter. Wow what a place, I even managed to pull a wee manual and a nose pick turn about 2 yards from a thousand foot drop (has anyone noticed my imperial use of the measuring system while in the USA? When in Rome...) If I can get Jeff off Netflix long enough to edit his GoPro footage I'll have it loaded up tomorrow.

Just another pickup on the side of the road to Palisades Rim.

Palisades Rim trail. Do not wear white undies.

90 minutes of gentle climbing with stunning views and the odd steep technical section waiting to pitch you off the cliff when you clip a pedal on a rock or catch your shorts on the saddle.

The trail comes very very close to the edge many times especially on the faster loose sections of descending trail. I was crapping myself that I would miss a bend in the trail and plummet to my death. The boys aren't just posing here. It's a fast sketchy right hand bend that catches the rider unawares. Tim climbs ladders for a living, he wasn't fazed at all. (No he's not a window cleaner, he rescues cats from trees and poses half naked in calendars for a job).

James was even more nervous than me about unintentional base jumping with no parachute. But once he got moving he took 10 years off his life in about 30 seconds. Here he is about 2 yards from permanent retirement.

Palisades Rim Trail is a phenomenal ride and I was in la la land with dusty drifting turns, rock slab drops and thread the needle rock gardens. I wish I had taken more photos but I had so much adrenaline pumping that I forgot all about journalism.

Tomorrow we will probaly head back to the  Lunch Loops area for some early trails, then drive to Fruita for more action before we park up at our next party house in Moab. I think it has a pool. You can look forward to a pic or two of half naked middle aged mid-lifed crises men with your evening meal then can't you. (This could be a prime opportunity for any male grooming product companies to boost their sales. If this sounds like you then call 0900therodfatherpimpsyourproduct).